i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
