we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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