and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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