Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
