My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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