Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were destined to go to rehab together
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
