nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
