guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
