Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
