wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Fuck appropriateness.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
