when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
