would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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