We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
