do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
