dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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