I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
