He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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