Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
