I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
