The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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