three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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