Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
don't judge my taste in strippers
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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