life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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