She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
