i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
