got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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