i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
