It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
