Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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