She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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