take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
