Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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