I just pynch a tree in the face
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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