The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
