Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
