I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
