So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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