Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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