sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
