I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
