Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
