guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
