it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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