You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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