I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
