im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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