don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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