He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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