It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
