The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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