the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
