so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
