I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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