i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
