Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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