pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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