I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
