ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
