Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
