My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
